Self-Development doesn’t have to be homework
- tashflowingflamingo
- May 15
- 4 min read
Self- development for me is so important and has become one of my key values in life- as a person, but also for my business. Being curious, never stop learning and growing; I’ve always wanted to be the best version of myself that I can be.
But honestly that desire has taken me to some stressful places over my adult life and taught me quite a few things that I want to share with you.
I’ve always been super ambitious in my life and when I was in my 20’s that ambition was solely focussed on building my marketing career. I wanted to learn and soak up all the knowledge, so I could develop my skills and be THE BEST. Good wasn’t good enough for me, I had to feel like I was THE BEST at my job. Side note: definitely something to do with needing external validation and being a people pleaser - but that's a different blog altogether haha! I was humble, but tenacious - something that probably drove a couple of my managers crazy!
In my 30’s I re-evaluated my life (https://www.flowingflamingo.com/post/with-every-end-comes-a-new-beginning-my-health-era) and decided to channel my ambition into my passion of health and wellness. Now building and running Flowing Flamingo.
That drive to be amazing is still there, but I feel like it’s now a lot healthier – doing self-development for me and my students rather than because I think that’s what “my boss” or “senior colleagues” want to see from me.
We all know in corporate you have to play a little bit of a game to get ahead right. It doesn’t matter what industry or business you are in, there are always games that must be played. Games you must get good at in order to be promoted and to “get ahead”.
One of those games is self-development and feedback.
The idea that people more senior than you as well as your peers can be forced to give you feedback at certain times of the year, because it’s “the process” i.e. end of year reviews.
Everyone feels the need to add value to the process, so often they will give half arsed feedback that often isn’t even that true.
An example: It might be that one time you were in a meeting and didn’t say anything because you were exhausted from having your baby awake all night and couldn’t be bothered to get involved in the petty argument that’s now taking place in the meeting room. The feedback now is “she needs to speak up more and be more present”. Well I am present, I just don’t have the energy to deal with petty arguments today. The feedback now starts to define you. It ends up on your development plan “be more present, speak up more” and BOOM you become constantly worried about the fact that people don’t think you say anything when actually you know you do.
This exact thing happened to me, but it was feedback around saying “no”. To be precise “you need to say no more”. Now, I can say no, I do say no- but just because one time in a meeting I didn’t shout NO, saying “no” ended up on my development plan. I mean who wants to say no, I’m a yes girl anyway- it’s a much nicer world to live in!
Those comments can become detrimental to our mental health, making us believe we are a certain way when actually we aren’t. I was sad and in the pursuit of trying to be the best I could be I was killing myself trying to develop all of my development areas instead of focussing on all the things I was amazing at. It was starting to feel like homework!
I then had two pieces of advice from people I respect that seriously helped me change my perspective:
1. Only develop your superpowers NOT your development areas. These are what make you special and set you apart. That’s where you focus
2. Only accept feedback when you are ready to hear it and from people you respect. GAME CHANGER here! This helped me realise that actually there are some times in the year I can’t hear feedback without it impacting me and that’s ok. It’s ok to say “I don’t want feedback right now”. It’s also ok to only accept & listen to feedback from a pool of a few people who you actually respect.
Now, you can respect lots of people, but for different reasons and not everyone you respect is good at observation or feedback
So, I stopped asking for feedback. I started focussing only on my superpowers and asking for help on tasks & actions that required skills in areas I wasn’t so strong. I didn’t have to be the best at everything, and I was more than OK with this.
Now, I know that self-development doesn’t have to be homework. It can be fun, learning a new hobby, a skill, or going on some training. It doesn’t even have to involve my job! It can be in my own time. It doesn’t have to be forced. And if I don’t want to hear or accept feedback, then I don’t have to either. Sometimes that can sound like you aren't open to learning, but in fact it's just understanding your personal boundaries.
And you never know, you might even unlock a new skill that becomes a new superpower and a whole new life too!!
So if any of this resonates with you, let me know- I’m more than happy to chat more about it all
Love, Tash xx
