Learning to Express My Own Voice

Hey Friends!

In my last blog I mentioned how as a child often my report card would say “Tash needs to speak up more in class” or that when I first started work people would often say to me “you need to speak up more in meetings”. I never really liked the idea of speaking for the sake of speaking, choosing to be more thoughtful in what I had to say, but I also had this fear around getting it wrong.

As a child the fear was around getting the answer wrong and as a young woman in work the fear was around not having enough experience to have a solid and correct opinion. FYI – I know now that in work there is no such thing as an incorrect opinion, just a different point of view!  

Anyway, this became something I consciously worked on throughout my career- the idea that my voice mattered. That people wanted to hear what I had to say and that they respected it when I did. That expressing my voice was important and actually critical when creating a positive work environment for myself as well as supporting my mental health.

I learnt this the hard way.

I would let my managers take advantage of my conscientious work ethic, they would take credit for my work and my ideas, present when I should have been presenting, lead me in circles with no offer of help or clear direction, throw me under the bus for mistakes they made – all because they were more “senior” than me and I respected the hierarchy and their “experience”.  I believed I was learning, it was some sort of right of passage and part of my role to just “take it”.

Not every manager was like this – don’t get me wrong, but I had a particularly interesting experience with one that came to a bit of a crunch point. It got to the point where because of all the above examples my confidence was through the floor. I no longer heard my own voice let alone felt like I had the power to express what I wanted.

So, I asked for help. I talked to close friends as well as a therapist who helped me to take back my power.

I have spoken a lot about working with my therapists over the years and that they helped me to rediscover and articulate my values, my purpose and my worth – well this was just another way that they helped. They helped me rediscover my voice.

With that I took action. I wrote down a script for myself so I could get all my points across to my manager in an articulated and professional manner – removing blame and instead focussing on how their actions made me feel. I also concocted solutions that I felt could help to improve our working relationship so we both got what we needed from each other AND from work. I plucked up the courage and shared this all with them. It turned out to be a brilliant conversation. They are a lovely person and we ended up having a really positive conversation. I took my power back, I found my voice and I expressed my needs and boundaries without causing harm. It was hard, scary and awkward BUT it paid off.

After that everything changed. I was able to call my manager out when things started to slip and I felt in control of my career again. My confidence grew and my career prospered from there!

 It was critical for my self-confidence and self-esteem to have found my voice and I’m so proud I had the courage to express it. I finally saw that by putting myself out there it wouldn’t result in a negative backlash and that only good things could come from it. I’ve re-learnt that over and over again since that moment.

After that, a couple of years passed – I continued to listen to my inner voice (my intuition) and she started to say something new. I was no longer getting what I wanted in the corporate world and it was time to follow my new path. Well, you all know the rest from there.

So my moral is – always listen to your inner voice, she/he will not get it wrong for you. AND don’t be afraid to ask for help to tune in. Help can come in so many ways and here are some ways that I have used in the past or still use now to help me tap into my inner voice:

• Therapy

• Talking to friends

• Oracle cards

• Pendulum

• Meditation

• Yoga

• Reiki

• Hypnotherapy

Love, Tash xx